Shopping is finished.

It is time to spend time alone, think and analyze one self.
Ask yourself with things you are confused, you've spend enough time on shopping and enduring things that gives you pleasure. Now, face the reality.

He is not coming back. And you have to stopped living with false hopes or such mere fantasies. The truth is there right in front of you, like it or not, it is over. But there is the better truth you still have a life, a life where you can fill with much hopes, happiness,lessons, that you can hold on. Yes you will be alone but it will not be permanent, sometimes we face battle alone, and the moment we stand up, that is an achievement.

Let's gather our broken selves, and think more of positive things. What has happened I can assure you that there is a lesson behind it. It may ended too soon, it might hurt like hell, but there is something worth through the pain you have gone through. And time will show you. Take care.

Have you ever thought of shopping, eating sweets, strolling to malls, watching movies and the like? (that what makes me smile)
Do anything you want, you are free.
Yea its time to give yourself a break, again,
Do what you want, life is short to mourn for a long time.

You have spent most of your days crying, now spend it being happy, if not contented.
Happiness is a choice,you cant force yourself to be happy but you can search for it, and the only person who can help you is yourself. People cannot do as much as you would want them to be, there are not enough books or shows that would give you that happiness, it is within you. For you can only help yourself, find it, search for it, and believe on it.

Today I went to malls. I bought clothes, shoes, and met my friends who have always loved me despite being me. And tomorrow there is still part 2 of shopping. It might sound like a diversion like what would all of us consider but for me, its not really the case. I just do what gives me satisfaction, my best friend is shopping. Aside from those where we get physical warmth.

So relax, find yourself, look for happiness and then all these things would guide you, the universe would direct you to the light, to love and to joy.

Smile because you have many reasons to. =)

I woke up at 3am with so much thoughts in my head, but its not that heavy anymore. And that I don't feel so alone anymore. AND, I that stop crying.
Usually I cry every time I think of him, every time I remember something that reminds me of him, every time I think of us. But now its gone with the wind.

People, in order for us to heal, we need to acknowledge the pain, we need to face it. Often times, I don't and often times, I can't. But we have too, this will help lift the gravity upon us, how and why? I am not sure but it sure does.

Just cry, until you feel better, let it all out, ALL out until you get tired. But don't hate, hate will not help you, instead it will give you another feeling that would trap you to another stage. Remember this : Forgiveness is not for the benefit of the person you are forgiving but for the benefit of yourself. When you forgive you win. Forgiveness turns victims into victors.

*Realization*

Ive been struggling for some time to something Ive been trying to avoid, of course, no one escape this- heartache, I never thought I would finally go through these cases, as which I actually believed that I am stone heart. Well at least now I know that I am not because I am hurting.

The pain of losing or letting go are just both hard on its own weight, content and perhaps every variety that it compose of. We lost and we let go, these two are just inevitable, we, human beings are would go through this, would feel so down and just so weak and we need something to cope up with the pain. I don't know but there is just no remedy for this, some people calls "diversion" as remedy but I don't really buy it, because you are faking it, and would just create a lie, that would later turn to big lie. Its psychological, but its not healthy. We need to face the ache, and all of us will but the result of it would all depend on the choices we make. Anyway the only remedy that I think passes my standard is TIME. yeah, who is TIME? We always say time heals all wounds, not really I know, but its the closest to remedy to our broken hearts.

I just flew from Dubai to Manila because I am escaping, I want to go away from my broken heart, because it is just too much for me to bear. It is like I cant do it alone. I can't, but I really cant. Funny when I was young I was not serious about all the people around me crying, begging and just cant move on. Because I always find it easy, well that's what I thought. But I failed, because I don't think I can pass this one, but I know God will not give us problems that we cant solve, and yea the list goes on..like rainbow after the rain, every solution has a problem, all these over used phrase. But when I see it, nothing really helps, because the pain, its just getting deeper and deeper.

When we are in love we don't listen to anyone, or even if we do, we don't take the advice seriously  or we choose which ones to listen. We are blinded, and we try hard to go away from people who don't like the ones we love, and sometimes these people who cares-we lost the friendship. And then we come back to them once we realize that s/he is right, and we will know s/he is right when that very person we love, leave us, take us for granted or treated us shit.

I don't want to let my broken heart affects me more than it did. I am trying to move on, have a clear mind, a good heart and a better person. It will take some time, maybe decades, but trust me I will get there. I don't need to shout at the world how badly I am hurt or how badly I was treated, or the things that went wrong in my relationship but all I am trying to say is that we turn the negative things to positive things, do the math =optimism, sounds so delicious...;)

It will all be over..and we will all be a better person.

I don't know where to start or how, even too..

It has been like decades, when i mean decades like so long time since i wrote.
I have been doing soul searching for some time and until now i feel like its quite hard.

I guess the main thing is that I lost focus,
writing used to uplift me, my soul, my being, my heart, because there is just a part of me that gets satisfaction whenever I write.

And writing is just not another excuse for me to shout to the world how I really feel...inside.

Somehow ..

I miss the smell of beer and cigarette..

I miss the voice of those rock stars in the 80's

I miss sitting on his lap..

I miss kissing him..

I miss sleeping with him..

I miss taking care of him..

I miss my life back then when i have him..

But God must be cruel for taking him away..

Part of me blames God..and part of me loves God..

It is not a matter of how strong my faith is..

It is a matter of looking for the answers..

Questions such as why, why and why..

Because no matter how he fought for his life..

He ended stranded..dead..

My life started to change..it turned to be disastrous..

The pain is just so intense..that living each day without him

is unbareable..I'm stuck in an empty soul..

I feel like the only part of me that is alive is my body..

But my soul has long died with my dad..

It is till this day that i woke up..

And realized that things have change..

And there are things that are irreparable..

And I don't know if I'm fixable..

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
And now here I am.. still struggling..

I dont know till when..

But all I know is that I'm gonna be with you soon..

I love you forever and always..

I first met moon before sun.

 

At first I was just watching my moon from afar

Never thought I could get close to him.

And when I did,

I told myself "I want to heal him"

(I've never seen such a dark soul")

Things didn't really come the way I expected it

It was harder than I thought.

Communicating with someone so dark

It makes you sagacious of dark forces.

The world I thought existed in rock n roll.

 

I was just a girl back then enjoying eating Koko Crunch.

I waited every night to talk to him. A mind's eye and lip's glum.

I fall in love with moon and yet he is so far away.

 

I then met sun,

My sun is the opposite of moon.

Never thought I would get close to him.

And then I did,

I told myself "I want to be like him"

(I've never seen such a lively soul")

Things didn't really come the way I expected it.

It was not as hard as I thought.

Communicating with someone so radiant

It makes you shrewd of universe conspire.

The same world I thought existed in fairy tales.

 

I was just a girl back then enjoying drinking milk.

I waited every day to talk to him. A mind's eye and lip's buoyant.

But I really cant fall inlove with my sun eventhough he came near.

 

Now, I am working with lots of demands, I am no longer a girl.

Time is very important to me. I can't be bothered.

I no longer wait for my moon and sun but both are waiting for me.

Sun shines even in the latest time.

Moon shows even in the earliest time.

 

I have them both, but I love my moon more.

But I was asked to choose which one of them.

My heart knows it was moon but I was late,

And ow he belong to a star, who shines pretty.

 

I am left with no one but wet in a typhoon..

 

News:

Sun got upset and left.

Darkness come and will stay.

But only the moon and star will shine forever.

There is a major destruction in the world.

JUST....

when I THOUGHT I have planned everything, something came knockin' on my door. And I? who has the this and that, was surely puzzled, happy or not. It is something that I never thought would happen. Maybe with this, I became to like the tag line, life is full of surprises.

Maybe sometimes God is just delaying things, for us.. to be patience, to learn new things, to TRUST so when the right time for us come, we are ready and prepared.

I am enjoying my work here...BUT still unlatched in few random moments although I love it, i really do. It is just that I love venturing to other things.

I will be leaving the Phils. this june because I got in Emirates Airlines. =) WOW. I passed the geograpraphical exam, let me just tell a little something about the intrerview in Emirates.

If you are familiar with American IDOL, on how they screen their contestants it is likely the same in Emirates. We are over hundreds there in the line, waiting for our name to be called. And once you passed the interview you will get a paper with Emirates sign if not you will not get any.

Interviewer is a British, she has sorta lots of Qs for 30 mins. You have to impress her in that span of time. I forgot her name because the interview was 9 months ago. That long, because the terminal where I am gonna be assigned supposed to be, the opening was delayed.

So last May 21, I got a call to sign contract of Emirates and take my medical exam. I passed then now I was advise to resign and moving somehow makes me feel sad. I will miss my boss..co-workers..everybody..

unlatched emotions.

 

 

It was a quick glance of forever change.

 

 

It was a quick glance of forever change.

 

 

It was a quick glance of forever change.

 

unlatched.

 

Oh Yea. I never thought that I would be doing these kinds of works.

 

Round 1: Design our company's website. Hell, I didn't know how to do this,

<Designs? Contents? Photos???...> Oh help me.. 

It was an automatic rollercoaster; I felt high when I know its good (good comments), and felt low when I can't think of an idea outside the box. It feels like I want to squeeze my creative juices more.

I am not sure if I can post it but I would like to show my work: www.i-pcv.com/i-cash

But note, it is still temporary; I need to remove the unwanted characters.

 

Round 2: Make some Marketing Collaterals. (Brochures, Danglers, and Floor ads)

I have to tell this is also a BIG CHALLENGE, putting copy and also designing the said marketing collaterals, it wasn't a fast bravo, and it came to different revisions which I know helped me to be more creative.

I want to show my designs but unfortunately it is still with our artist. Anyway I'll do because I am the model in the brochure (*wink)

 

Round 3: I am conducting the interview. Funny, because before I am the one who's being interviewed but now I am the one interviewing people. Funny 2 is that, I've interviewed people older than me with way more experience. And I don't want to be called Ma'am , I want to say I am just 21!! Anyway I just interviewed my former classmate in college, Ely! Galing nyan.  

 

Round 4: Conduct some training to supervisors. Still giving me creeps, I will be doing this in June 10-11. So I hope I could really guide them nicely, I know sometimes I'm confusing, only Camille can understand me. (hihi)